Does anybody know a good one? I’m using “Tumblr” now and it’s driving me bonkers…

Since I started my new job I haven’t spent money on anything that could be viewed as a luxury. Of course, I didn’t realize that…I thought I had gone totally crazy going out to lunch each day…being too poor for too long makes you forget how to spent money again. I was scared senseless when thinking about spending some of the money that keeps piling up on my bank account…I started to force myself early on to not look at the prices when it comes to food but anything else I just couldn’t do. And then yesterday I went out and bought an iPad. Just like that. Just for fun. I forced myself to do it, because my behavior was getting unhealthy. And now I’m lying on my bed typing away at a snail’s pace and enjoying it. Because I deserved a little luxury and I’m so incredibly proud of myself for allowing me to accept that. That is all. Treat yourself to something nice sometimes, folks:-)

I’m becoming one of those women…I can see the steps clearly that are turning me from me how I used to know myself to this stereotypcial being.

And it doesn’t help that I know where this is coming from. It’s obvious. I’m turning 30 this year. I have a safe job for the next five years at least and will be working part-time from June on. Jo and I have been together for almost seven years and always said that we’ll start a family some day…so all this adds up to starting to think about kids in the near future…and the fact that I had a condition that was on its way of turning into cervical cancer really doesn’t help…

So now I on the one hand have a biological clock that’s ticking into my ear loud and clear and on the other hand am nowhere near ready for a step like that…nor is Jo…and I’m mad that I have to think about this now. I’m mad that I can’t just be relaxed about it and see what happens in a few years because in a few years I might be too old or the cancer might come back and I won’t have the option anymore.

Fuck you biology. That’s all.

This is fantastic: http://www.pocketstrings.com

Apparently it’s clumsy now to learn to play the guitar on a guitar. Instead you can hurt your fingers without those sounds that used to be the reason to do it in the first place.

I don’t know what I find funnier: the concept? That this got actually made? Or their pr angle?

Yeah. I think it’s a combination of all three. But the list of ‘guitar-unfriendly places’ where you can use your pocketstring kind of closed the deal for me:

CARS
BUSES
AIRPLANES
SCHOOL CLASSROOMS
THE OFFICE
PUBLIC RESTROOMS
DINNER TABLE
SUBWAYS
DATE NIGHT
GROCERY STORE
JOB INTERVIEWS
WALKING
BABY’S ROOM
SKIING
LIBRARIES

You know those moments that range from astonishment to desperation when you realize how much you have ‘grown up’? I don’t mean those rare beautiful ones when you see how you have grown as a person. I mean those “grown-up” things. Those things that you used to frown upon and now discover yourself doing? Like telling kids of your friends how much they have grown up…or getting up minutes before your destination on a train or a bus so that you’ll reach the door in time…

Sometimes you catch yourself in those moments and wonder if that’s really you. When did I turn into this person?

Every winter I start to loathe snow at some point. Getting grumpy when I wake up in the morning and see everything covered in it again. Complaining about it with colleagues at every break. Kick it while I walk home…

But every winter there is this one night. This moment when I look out the window and see it for the first time. And every time it’s magical. It’s like I forget for one night how much I hate snow and turn into the excited child that I used to be. Looking forward to taking walks in it, hearing the world muted, forming it in my hands and catching snowflakes with my tongue stuck out.

It doesn’t matter if I really do those things or not. It doesn’t matter that it will only take me a few days to hate it with every fiber of my being. As long as I still remember the possiblities I’m good. Tonight, we’re good, snow and me. I’ll give this thing between us three days tops…but I’ll not start to worry about who I have become as long as the first snow still excites me.